Sixteen-fifty for you, 16.50 for me.
Loretta, I'm leaving.
What do you mean?
Soon as I get my check, I'm gone.
I'll be back.
-Dwight, I need my check. -Payday's at the end of the month.
Haven't paid us for last month. I need money, Loretta's got a kid--
Problem with management? Put a note in the suggestion box.
-I'm serious. I'm quitting. -I'll be back for the dinner shift.
I sure as hell won't be.
What are you doing?
I'm taking what he owes me, not a penny more.
You take that money, he's gonna come after you.
-Gotta find me first. -What you gonna do?
This ought to cover that bike for little Keith.
You're late to pick him up.
Go. I got everything covered here.
You're really going?
I'm really going.
That bike can wait till Christmas.
You keep what he owes you. I'll deal with Dwight, okay?
See you later.
How much to Los Angeles?
-One-way or round-trip? -You're kidding, right?
Hey, Coco. Coco Puff, you're on. Come on. You're on, you're on.
We may not have windows...
...but we do have the best view on Sunset Strip.
Twenty bucks.
What is this place, a strip club?
''Strip club''?
I should wash your mouth out with Jugermeister.
The only Pole you'll find in there is Natasha, the shot girl.
Babycakes, I got a club to fill here.
Right, sorry.
Enjoy.
Show a little more
Show a little less
Add a little smoke
Welcome to Burlesque
Everything you dream of
But never can possess
Nothing's what it seems
Welcome to Burlesque
Everyone is buying
Put your money in my hand
If you got a little extra
Well, give it to the band
You may not be guilty
But you're ready to confess
Tell me what you need
Welcome to Burlesque
You can dream of Coco
Do it at your risk
The triplets grant you mercy
But not your every wish
Jesse keeps you guessing
So cool and statuesque
''Behave yourself, '' says Georgia
Welcome to Burlesque
Everyone is buying
Put your money in my hand
If you want a little extra
Well, you know where I am
Something very dark
Is playing with your mind
It's not the end of days
It's just the bump and grind
Show a little more
Show a little less
Add a little smoke
Welcome to Burlesque
-Can I get you a drink? -Only if you're buying.
-Welcome to L.A. -Thank you.
-Where you from? -Iowa.
-Kentucky. We're practically related. -Thought you looked familiar.
Hey, sweetheart? You wanna do your job? Let's go.
Who does a girl have to flirt with to get from here to up there?
Is this you flirting?
With someone wearing more eyeliner than me? Yeah.
Through that door over there.
Ask for Tess.
-She's your guy. Flirt away. -Thanks.
-Iowa. -Yeah?
Use my name.
Thanks, Jack.
Hold it! Hold it. That's good.
We're on in five minutes. Five minutes, ladies.
-Get over there. -All right, I'm coming.
Ladies! Let's move it, ladies!
Does anyone know where Nikki is?
Both spotlights are supposed to pull in.
Georgia, your boyfriend is so cute.
So tonight, takeout and a movie?
Both.
-Casablanca and Oreos. -Yes.
Tess! I Lost a contact on the stage.
Okay, if you fall off the stage, leg extended, boobs up.
Remember, you're a goddess.
-Thank you, Sean. -You're welcome.
''Thank you, Sean.''
Come here, give me.
-Wait. -What? The foot?
Yeah, the foot, the back, the neck.
The hips, the breasts, the face....
Vince, the sink's busted upstairs again.
I'm not calling a plumber, Coco.
Tess, have you read this letter from the bank?
How many times have I told you? No business during business hours.
-Marcus Gerber is coming in tonight. -So what?
This isn't going away.
You won't talk to me before the show, after the show.
It's like you're avoiding me.
I didn't divorce you to spend more time with you.
I may not be ''Mr. Tess'' anymore, but I still own half this place.
''Mr. Tess.''
That is so hot.
Nice, but it won't pay the bills.
Wait. Wait. Zip me up.
Excuse me, I'm Looking for Tess.
Hi, are you Tess?
And you are in my mirror because?
Oh, sorry. I'm friends with Jack, and I'm Looking for a job.
And where have you danced?
At home, mostly. But I can move.
Okay, give your name and number to Sean.
Let you know when we're having our audition.
When will that be, exactly?
Sean?
-Where the hell is Nikki? -I don't know. She's Late again.
Oh, I'm never Late. Ever.
That's great.
We're trying to put on a show here. Come back another time.
I've never seen anything Like this.
-I need a job. I wanna work here. -Great enthusiasm, terrible timing.
So leave your name and your number with Jack, your friend downstairs.
And we'll call you. Okay? Promise.
Hey, can you fix this for me?
Let's move it, Ladies!
-Hello. -Oh, my God. Nikki.
You're probably not gonna believe this...
...but Sean and I were talking, and he said....
I said, ''It's so sad that Nikki couldn’t join us for the opening number...
...but it would be so great if she joined us for the next one.''
Paws and claws. Took longer than I thought.
So is finding a new job when I fire you.
Yeah, right.
-Get ready. -Yeah.
Hey. Bring me a martini.
Extra dry, straight up, three olives.
-And hurry back. -She doesn't work here.
Then she's not busy.
Twenty minutes and we're back.
Your mama tell you it's not polite to stare?
You're just so damn beautiful, I--
Well, in that case, screw your mama and stare away.
No one would ever know.
Know what?
That you're a dude.
-God. -Can I use this?
Goddamn it! Don't touch my stuff!
Hey, waitress!
Sweetheart? Hey, over here.
One second.
Yo!
-Ladies? -I'll have a vodka.
What can I get you?
One shot of Patron...
...and tough guy with the hat over there, he wants a Cosmo.
-What are you doing? -One night.
If I'm not better than boobs-for-brains, you don't have to pay me.
Isn't that the girl that was backstage?
I think so.
Hey, Jack, what's she doing here?
She really wanted a job.
And so she is our new waitress.
And when did I make you head of personnel?
She just picked up a tray, started working.
-Really? -Well, her name is Ali.
Ali.
Hey, Ali.
Look, this is cute, but come on.
Push up those boobs. Got them, show them. Work them.
And don't ever go behind my back again.
-Yes, ma'am. -And don't ever call me ma'am again.
-Yes, sir. I mean ma'am. I mean Tess. -Get on the floor.
''Ma'am''?
What am I, my mother?
Yes, ma'am.
Up yours.
Excuse me.
Dewar's rocks and a bottle of your best champagne.
Oh, and will you tell Nikki that I'm here?
And you are...?
A member since '91 .
Marcus Gerber. And you are?
-Ali. -Ali.
I'm here.
You're Late, you're Late for a very important date.
Georgia went on for you.
What is that waitress doing here? I want that bitch out now.
What did she ever do to you?
-She told me I look Like a drag queen. -Can't be the first time.
Get my spot.
Nikki, what are you doing?
Hey!
Ali. Ali.
Ali. Ali. What do you need?
Dewar's rocks, bottle of Dom--
And keep it coming.
Yep. So he's a regular, huh?
Marcus Gerber, real estate guy.
Dating Nikki. This week at Least.
I wanna be up there. I wanna do that.
Question is...
-...do you have the talent? -I do.
-Are you sure? -Yes.
-Positive? -Yeah.
Good, because you're on.
I got a dentist
Who's over seven feet tall
Ooh, I've got a dentist, baby
The man is over seven feet tall
His name is Dr. Long John
And he answers
Every call
It's simple.
I assume all your financial obligations...
...buy you out...
...pay you a million right off the top.
Five hundred each.
Where is the partnership that--? You said there was gonna be a partnership.
How about a partnership?
Partnerships don't really work so well with me.
-And that deal is-- -Very generous.
Good. Because I lead with my final offer.
Not that I give a shit, but why is it that you want my club so badly?
I Like it.
I see something I Like, I have to have it. Since I was a kid.
That must have made you very popular in the sandbox.
I did okay.
You know what you could do with that?
You know what you could do with that money?
-Not now. -Don't ''not now'' me.
The way I see it...
...you're in a fix and I'm in a position to help.
We play this thing right, and we all come out winners.
Yeah.
You got that balloon payment due on the first.
Did you also tell him I have a tattoo on my ass?
No. It's business.
I don't think you're gonna get another opportunity Like this.
So take it.
-No. -She means not now.
No, no. ''Not now'' means not now, Vince.
No means no.
Marcus, I don't care what you're offering.
My club is not for sale.
Well, offer's on the table.
Thanks.
See you in the sandbox.
Wendy! Do you have my makeup?
Drinks, Ladies.
All right, white wine.
Tom Collins.
Which one is Nikki's?
-Both. -Shit.
That was my shot.
Here's mud in your eye, Nik.
All right. Now I got a buzz, and you gotta change. You're on.
What are you, my mother?
In case you haven't noticed, Vince was talking to Marcus.
Well, that's because Marcus is trying to buy my club.
Mother of God.
Tess? Probably not a good time.
I know you're busy and I don't mean to interrupt.
Hey! Did anybody talk to Dave about the new vocals?
That's what I've been thinking about.
-All the girls lip-synch-- -Except for Tess.
Except for Tess.
But wouldn’t it be great if we actually heard the girls sing?
No. It wouldn’t be great.
Honey.
People come here to watch the dancers dance...
...and to watch them Lip-synch to the great singers.
I hear you. I get it.
I'm just thinking of ways to make it better.
I don't understand why we can't try--
You don't understand because it's above your pay grade.
I don't get what that means. Hear me out. This is a good idea--
Ali, Ali, no-- No. No. No.
Stop. Take her and remove her.
Okay, let's go. Come on.
They need you on the floor, but thanks for visiting.
All right. Oh, this is not for anybody.
You Look so beautiful right now. I can't even tell you.
And you are so full of shit.
Goddamn it!
Ali?
You can just have a seat.
I'm gonna grab us both a drink, yeah?
Oh, and here.
Call whoever you want.
Long distance, whatever.
-I can't. -What do you mean?
I don't have anyone.
No parents or siblings, aunts, uncles, anyone?
No one.
So you're not here to use my phone.
No, no, stop. It's gonna be all right.
You can crash here.
Just please, please, stop crying.
Okay. Okay.
I'll take that.
Better?
Good.
Just one night.
Till it's light out and I can figure out my next move.
Deal.
That's beautiful.
Who wrote that?
I did.
You wrote that?
Jack, that's.... That's really good.
Thank you.
-You have more? -Yeah.
Nothing that's ready to be heard.
Hey, Jack...
...why did you Leave Kentucky?
Why did you Leave Iowa?
Because I Looked around and realized...
...there wasn't one person whose life I wanted.
Exactly.
Hey, Jack.
I'm really glad I don't have to be alone tonight.
Get some sleep.
Morning.
-Coffee? -Black.
Like my soul.
I took the liberty of making breakfast.
I hope you don't mind. It's the Least I could do.
Smells great.
She's pretty. Your sister?
-Fiancée. -You're straight?
-You thought I was gay? -Yeah.
-Wait, why? -I don't know. The day bed, eyeliner.
It's a very straight Look.
You know, it works at the club, Tess loves it--
Okay.
I should put on some pants.
Probably.
So where is she, this fiancée?
She's in New York doing a play.
Now that you're straight and engaged...
...I feel really weird I came here in the first place.
I'm all right.
-I'll be out of your hair in no time. -You don't have to Leave.
-Don't worry about me. -It's pouring outside.
I got a plan. If you could just get the door for me.
Thank you.
-You're welcome. -See you at the club.
Ali! What are you doing?
Come back inside!
No, Jack, I'm fine.
It's pouring.
It's just water, for chrissake.
Damn it.
Get your ass back in my house.
You've done enough. I'm fine.
All right, all right, fine. Here we go.
Put me down. What are you doing?
You have nowhere to go and I have a couch.
Like it or not, you're gonna stay.
Hey, Natalie.
Really? That's great.
Georgia?
Yeah.
Oh, God, please don't have the flu.
Oh, God.
Please have the flu.
Why do they call it morning sickness...
...if it hits you at every fricking moment of the day?
Have you told Damon yet?
No, not yet.
Well, sweetheart, you know, at some point he's going to notice.
He's a guy.
He's not gonna notice until my belly's blocking the TV.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know, Tess. I'm really scared.
Oh, honey, don't be scared.
Whatever you decide, we will take care of you. Okay?
But you've got to tell Damon.
I figured as Long as he doesn't know...
...I can still pretend he's gonna be excited about it.
He's gonna be thrilled. Are you kidding? He'll be thrilled.
Excellent. That was great.
Thank you very much, Ladies.
What happened to all the great dancers in L.A.?
They're dancing with the stars.
Call Andre and ask. He might have somebody.
Okay.
Don't Like her, I don't Like her.
I don't Love any of them. She's the best one.
What is that?
What is she doing?
I think she's auditioning.
Hey, Dave, cut it!
Hold on a second, I can do this.
And I think it's sweet that you think you can.
-Tell me what you're Looking for. -Someone who can do the routine.
Excuse me? I'm talking to you!
Oh, shit.
Just tell me what you want.
I can't tell you.
Nobody can tell you.
You gotta make me believe that you belong up there.
That you own that stage and that nobody's gonna take it from you.
That's the way it works.
You wanna show me something, show me that.
All right.
Which number do you wanna see? I know every one.
-Every number? -Which one do you wanna see?
''Wagon Wheel Watusi.''
What's going on?
Well, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
Try harder.
You were off the whole Last half.
Come on, Tess. Come on, I'll practice till I bleed. I know I can do this.
You know, we have better dancers.
Then say thank you very much and goodbye.
If you just give me a chance. I swear I won't disappoint you.
Didn't anybody ever give you a shot?
Please, I want this so bad.
-If you just give me a chance, I'd-- -All right. God!
You got the job.
What are you so excited about? She's your replacement.
Thank you, Tess. You won't regret it.
I am so gonna regret this.
What is Ali short for?
-Alice. -Alice?
Well, welcome to Wonderland.
Meet me upstairs in five.
Well, sorry for the short notice...
...but I quit.
It's okay.
And with my new raise, I will be off your couch in no time.
Here we go.
Black corset, first number.
Second number, ''Wagon Wheel,'' that's that.
Swarovski bustier, that's for the third number.
And this is for ''Miss Otis Regrets.''
And remember, with that, don't...
...pull the trigger.
You Like her. I know it kills you, but you have to admit it.
No. You know, she pulls focus, she doesn't blend in.
A girl that doesn't blend in?
Oh, my.
That is so beneath you.
Here we go, here we go. Don't lose those again.
How you doing?
My boobs are pushed up to my ears, my thong's a mile up my butt...
...and my eyelashes are so thick they could kick up a stiff wind.
Fun being a girl, isn't it? Come on, Let’s go, Let’s go.
-You guys wanna go grab pizza? -Yes, please.
-Yeah. -I'm starving.
Good, Let’s go.
My day was so Long.
Ice cream sounds so good.
That's so bad.
-I'm gonna get so full tonight. -What?
Where is everybody?
They went out for pizza.
I wasn't hungry.
That brush isn't working. It's too old.
Well, it's the only brush I have.
I'll Let you use mine.
-Here. -Thanks.
All right, here. Let me help you.
Wet it if you're gonna get a clean line.
Close your eyes.
When you are putting on your makeup...
...it's Like you're an artist.
But instead of painting on a canvas...
...you're painting your face.
My mom was a model and she was beautiful.
Tall, blond.
Not Like me.
Body that could stop a truck.
And she had these girlfriends, beautiful girls, Colleen and Shirley...
...and they would come over in the morning...
...and put their makeup on together before they went on jobs. Up.
We had a window in the back of our house with a ledge...
...and they would put their mirrors side by side and put out their makeup.
They had lipsticks and blushes, and it was fabulous.
I kept thinking, ''God, I cannot wait till I get old enough to play with this.''
Didn't you ever watch your mom put on her makeup?
My mom died when I was 7...
...and it's my first lesson.
You know, you won't be the new girl forever.
Beautiful.
Shit.
Ali.
Ali. Did you use my towel again?
I found it soaking wet on the floor.
-I don't know. Maybe. -How's that apartment hunt?
I've been Looking. Everything's over 1 000 bucks a month.
How can you put a price on privacy Like that? Freedom?
Your own bathroom? Clean towels?
Okay, I get it.
It's Natalie.
Hey, babe.
Oh, hey. What about Beachwood Canyon?
Great.
If you have a car.
I mean, truth is...
...you really should get a car first.
I mean, this is L.A. after all. You know?
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna suck it up...
...and Let you stay a Little bit Longer.
Throw in something for rent, we're good.
-A second ago you wanted me out. -I don't Like my towel wet.
I don't Like the lack of privacy...
...but you're in a jam.
And I'm the kind of guy...
...when a friend is in trouble, I help.
It's just who I am.
What did Natalie have to say?
Nothing. No, she.... What did she say?
''Hi.'' That was it.
-And? -And....
Her play got extended three months.
She has to pay everything there in rent...
...so I have to cover everything here.
So if you wanna stick around and chip in, it would--
-Save your ass? -Help.
Well, will you Look at that?
The shoe on the other foot.
One minute I'm a freeloader...
...and the next...
...I'm the only thing standing between you and eviction.
Just yes or no?
What's the proposal exactly?
Wonderful apartment. Bathroom included.
I'm listening.
-Use of the kitchen. -Keep going.
-Six hundred a month. -Closet?
-Half. -Oh, Look.
''Fabulous apartment with a great view.''
Fine, fine.
The whole closet.
-I want the bedroom. -No way.
Oh, Look. ''Hot tub, Beverly Hills.''
All right. You can have my bedroom.
Are you in?
Oh, Jack.
See, I'm the kind of girl...
...if a friend's in trouble, I help.
That's just who I am.
Oh, boy.
Your dream is killing me!
It's killing me!
What was that?
And what's this?
It's something about the two mortgages.
To be perfectly honest, I haven't got a goddamn clue.
But if I can't raise the amount of money...
...on that paper by the end of this month, I Lose the club.
It's just money.
It's just a number.
I know...
...but do you think I could do it?
Okay, tell me a lie.
I need your expert sewing skills.
Tell me a new Lie.
I don't Love you.
Come here. Come here.
It's okay.
Stage right.
Wait a minute. Hey, hey. What's in that?
Iced tea.
Iced tea, my ass. Go home.
Yeah, right. I'm about to go on.
You're not gonna go on. Go home.
Relax. It is one drink. What is the big deal?
Ali, you're gonna take Nikki's spot.
-She can't dance my part. -She can and she will.
No, no. My God, I can't do that. It is Nikki's number.
You said you can do any number, right?
-I don't wanna step on any toes. -Then don't.
I don't ca-- Listen to me.
You're gonna go on, and you're gonna go home.
Here, put this on.
Dave.
Tess wants to see you. Says it's urgent.
I can't Leave. I'm working.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Shit.
Everybody wants Dave to do something.
Y'all gonna have me singing by the time I'm done here. Jesus.
Tess, what's up?
What are you doing back here?
-Nikki said you were Looking for me. -Nikki? What is going on?
Lower the curtain. Let's go.
Bye. Thanks for coming.
Hold it.
Raise the curtain.
Oh, my God.
Am I the only one that has no idea what just happened?
Whatever it was--
The music stopped, I didn't know what to do.
I had to sing, I'm sorry.
Never told me you could sing Like that.
I tried to tell you.
Okay, okay, all right.
This is what we're gonna do. You know the songs, right?
Oh, yeah.
So tomorrow we're gonna rehearse, then you're gonna sing.
We're gonna go straight through the show Live.
-So any questions? -No.
Okay, good. Good. You go with the guys.
Find out what keys you're comfortable singing in...
...and I'm going to go up to my office and plan an entirely new show.
-Okay? -Oh, my God.
Thanks, Tess.
I'm gonna build a show around her.
''They don't come to hear us sing''?
They'll come to hear her sing.
So how do you feel?
-Amazing. -I've never seen anything Like that.
Thanks. Are you sure Tess really Liked it? She wasn't...?
I was bringing down the curtain.
She stopped me. She's the one who Let you sing.
-Really? -She wants to build a show around you.
You're crying with happiness, right?
Good. Okay.
Brava.
Clearly one of us has underestimated the other.
I can't believe Tess has you buried in the kick Line.
She didn't know I sang.
Well, you certainly can.
And you are way too good to be doing it here.
How about a drink?
The bar's right over there.
Tell Jack I sent you.
Where the hell did that come from?
-Who knew that you could do that? -Thanks, Jack.
Who knew any white chick could sing Like that?
How do you do that?
I don't know. It just happens. I just do it.
I know how that feels. I gotta pee again, so....
Stop.
We're gonna get something to eat.
You wanna come?
Yeah, I would.
Let's go.
Look at you.
What? What?
Well, no, just the way you're gazing after her.
I have a fiancée, remember?
Yes. No, I do. I know. Three thousand miles away.
We talk every day.
You do? About what?
Let me guess, don't tell me.
About her.
Her.
And, I don't know....
Her.
All I'm saying is that that one there...
...is beautiful on the inside as well...
...and she's not going to be available forever.
Relationship advice from Mr. One-Night-Stand himself.
That is....
Forgot my purse.
-What? -Oh, no.
I was just telling Jack here how every opportunity has a shelf Life.
Come here.
Look there.
Awfully pretty, but too much.
See, I Like that.
No, I'm not cutting my hair.
Who said anything about you cutting your hair? You can wear a wig.
I'm wearing one right now.
Where have I been all my Life?
The dress is Chanel
The shoes YSL
The bag is Dior
Agent Provocateur
My address today
L.A., by the way
Above Sunset Strip
The Hills all the way
My rings are by Webster
It makes their heads twirl
They all say, ''Darling, what did you Do for those pearls?''
What?
I am a good girl
So good.
Hey there, big boy.
So, what do you think?
I think you Look....
I mean, it looks....
Jack, we're friends, for chrissake.
It's not Like we're brother and sister.
No, we certainly are not.
I don't get why everyone's having a conniption.
She's just a tacky farm girl from Iowa.
And we know a cow when we see one.
Don't underestimate us farm girls.
Vince.
This round's on me.
I don't normally do this...
...but, Vince, I'm doubling my offer.
It's either you or the auction house.
No, I am not selling.
Know what happens when you default on a Loan?
No, hum a few bars.
I'm not screwing around. Where's the money coming from?
Ali's a hit. We can charge 50 bucks a head now.
Raising the admission? That's not good enough.
You have been saying that the sky is falling forever.
Everything always works out fine.
Tell that to the people losing everything.
I don't wanna be one of them.
-I Love this place too. -No, you don't.
-I do. -No, you don't!
-Yes, I do! -Oh, no, you don't.
Look, you have many fine qualities, Vincent.
And then you've got some iffy qualities.
But you've never been a phony.
Just tell Marcus no.
Jack?
Yep. Just got in.
I'm in here. Can you come zip me up?
Hey, where you been?
Writing music.
Can I hear?
-It's not ready. -It's not ready.
Who's that?
Me and my mom on my 7th birthday.
She died a few weeks Later.
You must miss her.
Every single day something happens that I wish I could tell her about.
And what happened today?
Nothing yet.
You should get that. It's probably Natalie.
Probably.
Hey, babe.
Yes, I know.
Check it out, girls!
I'm starved. You ready?
I can't. I'm so sorry. I have to do inventory tonight.
Want me to call a cab?
No, that's okay. I'll get a ride with Coco.
Sorry.
Watch your back. Coming through.
You ready?
-For what? -I'll drop you off.
Coco Left five minutes ago.
I was coming to talk to you. I caught your conversation.
-Talk to me about...? -Dinner. With me. Give me that.
If you ever expect to see this bag alive again...
...you’ll follow me.
Hold on a second. Where you going? Hey!
Where are you taking me? This is not the way to my place.
I told you. Dinner.
Dinner?
I'm not going to dinner with you. You're seeing Nikki.
We're just friends.
Where I come from, friends don't chew on earlobes.
Aren't you glad you Left?
-Oh, damn it. -What?
I gotta make a quick appearance at a party.
You just remembered.
It's on the way. We'll be quick. Ten minutes, tops. Do you mind?
And if I do?
Then you've been kidnapped.
Hey, Marcus.
Nice house.
What are you doing? You can't just take that.
Put that back. You're gonna get us kicked out.
Not if we sneak out.